Edition 10
On my mind this week:
When mental health is fragile there is a strange thing that happens to me. I seem to perpetually forget the things that make it better. The obvious ones are usually the first to go. Early bed times, regular meals, water and exercise. Why are we like this I often wonder? Why for goodness sake do humans seem to have a perpetual death wish to make their lives harder? The unfortunate consequence of this sleepless, dehydrated concoction is that it can cause some serious downhill spirals bypassing glum and melancholy and heading straight through to the station entitled 'crying in the car'. For some reason when I'm down I like to be physically on the floor. There feels something right and dramatic about sliding onto the carpet and sobbing. To me the actual hitting of the rock bottom feels much better when done from a low angle. I've been doing this periodically since I was an awkward kid who wore a parka everyday to school as extra protective armour against the world. When even my parka couldn't keep out all the big feelings I had, the bathroom floor was my spot. Even the action of getting back up seemed to help. Heaving yourself up appears to be just the right thing to do to get yourself ready to re-enter the fray.
I've been thinking a lot this week about people who feel a lot. All the time. As I have grown older and started to know myself better what I thought made me different and odd became something to be proud of. Sometimes feeling a lot is a super power because you get the bonus of feeling joy at extraordinary levels in things humans can take for granted. You wouldn't believe how much glee I can wring out of a perfectly cooked egg yolk or the right seat at the cafe with the good coffee.
There is a dark side too to all this emotion business. You also feel not just all your hard stuff but other peoples too. As a small human I would often find this confusing and exhausting and it would cause me to end up hiding in a book at lunchtime or eating toasted cheese jaffles while watching hours of tellie. As an adult it is one of the things I treasure. I'll take it all. The joy and the pain because that's life isn't it? If you don't feel it all you'll miss it
Something to listen to:
A few years ago for my podcast Just Make The Thing I interviewed the wonderful Yve Blake about a musical project she wrote, produced and starred in called Fangirls. Yve is an effervescent human and a barrel of fun and optimism. She also works incredibly hard. This show feels exactly like walking into the world of your teenage self and remembering what it is like to really, really feel everything all of the time in glitter covered, technicolour. Fangirls has finally been able to tour to Melbourne and even more excitingly, the soundtrack can now be streamed from wherever you are on Spotify. You can find one of my favourites called Feels So True on YouTube here.
Something to cook:
When I'm a bit on tenterhooks, I cook. There's something solid and calming about a recipe, the textures and scents, the chopping and stirring. Even the heat from the oven is delicious. I firmly believe that humans are designed to be creative and the anecdote to all this screen time and twitter shouting is to turn it all off and get your hands making something. Gardening does it for me too. When the pandemic first began the kitchen however was my first and favourite port in the storm. So I took some time this week to walk to the store, buy spaghetti, zucchini, garlic, mint, chilli and parmesan. I boiled, grated, heated and stirred with relish, ending up with a hybrid of Jamie Oliver's and my sister's Zucchini Pasta that is frankly equal parts easy and moreish. This recipe may or may not have created the most ridiculous bit of audio nonsense we've ever made on Suggestible this week too. I apologise to any brits offended by a tired woman in a dressing gown attempting to be Jamie Oliver making pasta.
Zucchini Pasta
Ingredients:
1 Zucchini grated (half a large ZOOK per person)
3 gloves garlic, crushed
1 lemon with zest grated
Parmesan Cheese grated (no measurement here, go with the amount that's in your heart. For me that's a lot)
Spaghetti
Olive oil
Salt and Pepper
Method:
Put pasta on to boil.
In a wide frying pan heat oil with garlic, grated zucchini and lemon zest.
Cook until warmed through but not soggy.
Drain spaghetti when it's al dente and throw into the pan with olive oil and salt and pepper.
Serve in a big round bowl with a tonne of grated parmesan and a lot of glee.
Possibly have a cheeky glass of red and turn your face to the sun.
Have a great week! Sending you all the love in the world.
Tonts x
I would like to acknowledge the Traditional Owners of the land on which I write today, the Wurundjeri people of the Kulin nation, and pay my respect to their Elders past, present and emerging.
